Ivy | If you love your friends and family don’t give them money
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If you love your friends and family don’t give them money

If you love your friends and family don’t give them money

Giving people money doesn’t solve their money problem.

 I know it looks like it helps, and in the short term it may patch up a leak. But it doesn’t fix the underlying problem. It’s easier to see if you look at a example from your own life.  Do you have a friend or family member that never seems to have any money?  They always seem in need of a cash infusion of some sort, even though they work?* (They might even work a lot!)

Now imagine that person hit the lottery and won $50,000. Do you think all their money problems would go away? Or do you think that, after the money ran out, their money problems would reappear?

The problem isn’t a lack of money. The problem is that the person doesn’t want to or doesn’t know how to manage their finances. This is the root cause, and if this isn’t changed, no amount of money will fix the problem.

Actually, I’m going to take a stand and say that giving money to the person above only compounds the problem for several reasons. First, because they were given the money, they no longer need to look for a solution. So, they don’t ever find one.

Second, if this pattern persists too long they will start to believe that they need financial assistance. I routinely see this happening with parents paying their adult children’s bills.

Lastly, and the most dangerous of all, is that a person that has been bailed out repeatedly  starts to connect being loved and taken care of with having NO money. Do you see how dangerous this can be? Universally we all want love. It’s what every human wants the most. If the connection forms and the person starts to feel loved and cared for when they have no money, they will get rid of the money, to feel loved and cared for.

Seem far fetched? I see this pattern over and over. It’s heartbreaking and, unfortunately, it’s not likely to change until the parents or friends stop giving/lending money. Only then will the person seek out a solution. Necessity, after all, is the mother of invention.

*The expense often looks justified. However,it’s the chronic pattern that appears when you look at the situation from a distance that makes the truth appear.

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